the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
