did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
