the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
