im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
