It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
