Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
