Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

that probably didn't help your case.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.

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(416): View more from Ontario

I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

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(716): View more from New York

your facebook page is a work of drunk art.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night

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(701): View more from North Dakota

You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.

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(619): View more from California

See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.

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