Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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