I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
