thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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