so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
