I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They took my balls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
