WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
