I want to have your abortion
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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