Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
