pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
