i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
