you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
