hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
