Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize