But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize