his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
