...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
