my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Success! We fucked roommates!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
