her vagine was all disorganized.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
