I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
