i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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