Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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