im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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