I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
