my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize