where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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