shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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