Kiss
Puke
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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