holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
