I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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