my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
