Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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