We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
nutella sex= disaster
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
