my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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