Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
