well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
