Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize