I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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