i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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