Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize