apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
