She's JV to your varsity
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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