I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
