Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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