i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm like, not good at living.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
