apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
