he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i now understand why vodka
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize