you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
