I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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