My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
