I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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