What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize