whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
