two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
