Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
