Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
