he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
