I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
