And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
