Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
