Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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