why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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