I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
