Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
