his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
