Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
