all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
