dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
